Joyce benefits from links to children through reading

 Joyce appeared on Steph's Packed Lunch today the Channel 4 lunchtime programme to talk about her experience of reading on a Saturday morning to three children. The children were accompanied by their mother as they met Joyce for the first time after reading to her over the phone on a Saturday morning. 

The link had been established via #https://silverstories.co.uk/. How wonderful for Joyce to build a relationship with the young people, but also to have confirmation from their mother that all three children had improved their reading as a result of the activity.

One of the children had written a poem to describe the important part that Joyce plays in their lives. Through the telephone calls Joyce has become familiar not just with the children but also with their wider family. She encouraged other elderly people with the time to take part in the scheme.

Nettie has an adventure

 

“She has locked herself out AGAIN”.  Anne is glad she has Liz to talk to about Aunt Nettie.   Nettie’s short term memory is getting worse and there are constant problems with lost keys, forgotten pin numbers, missed appointments and burnt food.  “She left her key behind and then couldn’t remember the code to the outside key safe.   She went to the shop who tried to phone friend Rosie who has a spare key but she was out.   I was in a meeting all afternoon with my phone off and didn’t pickup the messages until on the train home so I came straight over to sort things out .  Its now 9pm, I’ve just got home and I’m knackered”.  “Poor old you.  How was she?” asked Liz. “Oh fine. Fortunately she hadn’t left anything cooking which was my great fear. She said she was glad to see me but I think she had had a great time. Spent all afternoon in the shop drinking cups of tea and gossiping with all her chums who came in to shop.  When the shop closed, she was taken to a neighbour who cooked her tea and when I arrived she was teaching their teenage boy to play gin rummy.”  “Wow what a great day – if she has any sense she will lock herself out again soon” says Liz.   “That’s what I am afraid of” replied Anne.

Together at Last!

 Jonathan lives in Lancashire. His grandmother lives in Merseyside. His parents live in Devon. With the Covid-19 restrictions Jonathan and his wife Lyndsey have not been able to introduce their son born at the end of February to his grandparents and great grandparents.

At last, the day arrived yesterday. Marjorie drove from Merseyside aged 89 via Marks and Spencers and arrived complete with food for all the family gifts for the baby and also for his older brother. Photographs were taken to record the three generations together and also the baby boy and his Great Grandmother. Jonathan has had to adapt during the social distance restrictions to working from home. He has also had hours with his 3 year old son and more time than he could have imagined with his new baby son.

He has also had to adapt to the absence of family support and the engaging and entertaining visits to and from his Grandmother. For Jonathan being with older family is important and the gap has been enormous. For him and Lyndsey, the bank holiday reunion suggested that life was becoming more normal. He and the family happy for Marjorie to continue driving. She is off to Devon at the end of the month!

Post Covid Carry on!

Jo was able to visit Caroline for the first time since February. Her dementia has progressed during the lockdown period and conversation has been via Face time. During that time Jo has had her daughter, husband and baby born last Autumn staying with her so the baby has been the focus of the face time calls. Over and over again they have had to confirm who is the mother, who is the grandmother and whose baby it is as well as reminding Caroline that this is her Great Grandaughter. 

The baby's expressions and early stages of crawling and walking have resulted in squeals of delight and genuine joy. Thank Goodness for the baby Jo remarked. " I'm not sure what we would have talked about otherwise as we haven't been anywhere". Jo so appreciated the weekly call timetabled with the care home.

Great excitement at the end of July to attend for the appointed face to face session. Strict instructions that it was a 30 minute visit although an indication that she could stay for about 40 minutes.

Unlike the regular visits to Caroline's room this time they were to meet in the garden at the home. The carer arrived with Caroline to sit in a lovely spot. Jo found it strange to have no physical contact and to wear a face mask to visit her own mother. The care home staff had their own PPE equipment and they sat to chat.

Again the i-pad came into it's own. Caroline greeted Jo with " Hello Mum" and Jo reminded her that she was her daughter. The once again repeated the who's who and moved onto more entertaining photos and film of the baby.

Caroline was cold in the shade and too hot in the sun, so the carer kept relocating within the garden and the time flew by. Jo noticed that her appointment time had come to an end, but the carer assured her she could stay longer and after 40 minutes Jo said she would depart now. It had been reassuring to see her mother so content and well cared for.

On departure the person on reception reprimanded her for staying longer than her allocated slot! So she advised them that it had been the person who booked the appointment who had said 40 minutes and also that the carer had indicated this was acceptable. " They have no right to do that" He responded grumpily" I manage the appointments. 

Such a disappointing end to a landmark occasion. Jo confirmed she will stick to the 30 minutes next time!

Nettie has an Adventure

“She has locked herself out AGAIN”.  Anne is glad she has Liz to talk to about Aunt Nettie.   Nettie’s short term memory is getting worse and there are constant problems with lost keys, forgotten pin numbers, missed appointments and burnt food.  “She left her key behind and then couldn’t remember the code to the outside key safe.   She went to the shop who tried to phone friend Rosie who has a spare key but she was out.   I was in a meeting all afternoon with my phone off and didn’t pickup the messages until on the train home so I came straight over to sort things out .  Its now 9pm, I’ve just got home and I’m knackered”.  “Poor old you.  How was she?” asked Liz. “Oh fine. Fortunately she hadn’t left anything cooking which was my great fear. She said she was glad to see me but I think she had had a great time. Spent all afternoon in the shop drinking cups of tea and gossiping with all her chums who came in to shop.  When the shop closed, she was taken to a neighbour who cooked her tea and when I arrived she was teaching their teenage boy to play gin rummy.”  “Wow what a great day – if she has any sense she will lock herself out again soon” says Liz.   “That’s what I am afraid of” replied Anne.

You may have already heard the story of Josephine, aged 86. Prince Philip has brought it to mind. So her daughter Carol receives a call from the police about her mother ( Josephine) who has been in a road traffic accident. Although this is 2 weeks earlier Carol has heard nothing about it.
She duly rings her mother living 150 miles away and broaches the subject.
As far as Josephine is concerned it was a minor incident because her new shoes slipped off the pedal. As far as Carol is concerned the fact that her car was written off and damage to 3 others because of the shunt suggest it is time to stop driving. Josephine did not agree!

So calls to the DVLA confirmed that nothing could be done. 3 months use of taxis did not persuade Josephine that this is a better form of transport and without warning ( because she can!) Josephine purchased a new car. Her mobility continues to decline. She is talking about moving into a retirement home. So why is the accommodation issue more acceptable than the transport one.
Carol continues to be baffled, continues to be frustrated and awaits the next call.

Did I have my hair done?

Susan's mother made the move to her new home - the care home. She repeated throughout the arrival how kind everyone was and with the family photos displayed and a familiar painting on the wall the room looked like home. A brand new TV provided the home comforts ready to watch the news programmes.
As she had been a hairdresser a highlight was planning the Monday hair appointments. Week one would just be a shampoo and set to test the perm solution with a perm the following Monday. Repeatedly Carol said how she MUST get her hair done. " It is such a mess". On week 2 Susan arrived and admired the perm. " No" said Carol " I don't think I have had it done yet". Susan reminded her that she had on the previous Monday. The urgency on her arrival had clearly diminished with the passing of time.
Susan asked the staff if they would discuss with her mother what she would like to do each day. They advised her that they would find out about her interests, but they found that with memory loss Carol was unlikely to remember what she had told them in the morning. Or even what she would like to do. Susan giggled. To have the advice from the staff at the home was proving to be a real comfort as well as entertainment.

Susan remains confident in the care for her mother but also appreciates a full night's sleep. A device in the home means the office know when Carol is out of bed and they go and put her back. It means she sleeps less in the day as she has had a full night's sleep.

Carol continues to repeat her praise for the staff and is delighted that a bottle of sherry is stored to enable her to have an early evening glass.
Mid January she did ask Susan to take her back to her home for Christmas. Susan replied - "But we've only just had Christmas."  "Have we?" asked Carol. Confirmation that the passing of time is no longer measured in quite the same way. The 4 weeks Carol said she will be there for looks like being longer without too much trouble.

You've Got a Friend!

January got off to a flying Caring4Elders start when Susan contacted her two friends for a coffee. They had not met for 6 months since the wedding of Susan's daughter. Since then Susan's 60 something husband has continues with various drug trials for the cancer in his spine. Clare, her 92 year old mother has deteriorated. The dementia diagnosed at the end of 2016 has got worse and then there was a dramatic decline with the bowel in December meaning she spent Christmas in hospital.
So here we are in January and Susan is exhausted! Both her husband and mother in need of constant care. She's not feeling great and riddled with guilt at the prospect that a care home is the next step.
She had visited one, but not sure and Monday was the day to visit the second. When Liz offered to go with her on the visit her face lit up.

4 days later - they visited the care home and with Liz's support Susan felt confident the move is the right thing for Clare. The care home booked to assess her with plans to move her next week.
Liz reflected on how hard it is for Susan ( also in her 60s) to take the decisions that will not only benefit Clare but also Susan and her husband.  With a plan in place Liz and Susan celebrated with a cup of tea and a small glass of leftover Cava. The New Year didn't seem so bad after all...........but how will the move go? Next week..............

5 Caring4Elders Top Tips for all our friends this Festive Season

Be prepared to care this Christmas by following "Betty & Liz" 5  x top tips when considering your elderly relatives and friends

Informal caring can be difficult at any time and even more so at busy holiday times when there are so many calls on care givers’ time and energy.  Our 5 top tips are designed to help you check for any changes that suggest more care is needed to help your loved ones be safe, happy and keep independent.  So, as well as reconnecting and enjoying precious family times together, work your way through our Christmas Prepared to Care top tips: 

1.  Take time to listen.   Older people can often be left out of family chat, they may be hard of hearing or the conversation may go too quickly for them.  Many people also find it difficult to talk about their worries and fears.  Sometimes people feel more able to talk about personal issues when they are not making eye contact, for example when walking together or carrying out joint tasks.  So, involve elderly people in present wrapping, sprout peeling and washing up and take the opportunity to have some quality talk.

2. Check for change.   Put on your Sherlock hat and check for any signs that may show your relative has health or other issues that are not being addressed.  Is medication organised, up-to-date and being taken? When was the last dental or opticians’ check?  Age related macular degeneration is treatable when caught early but otherwise can lead to blindness.   How is your relative’s balance/memory/weight/hygiene?  Are there letters from the GP, hospital, or other service which indicates that all is not well?   Are there any new ‘friends’ on the scene who might be taking advantage of your relative/?

3. Do a house audit.  While you are there check that your relatives home is being maintained.  How is security – door locks and window catch in good order and being used?  Would an outside security light be helpful?   Are there ‘lights on timers’ for when your loved ones are out of the house?  Are there trip hazards, loose mats, frayed carpets, dodgy slippers?  Are everyday items in easy reach?   Are mobility aids working correctly?  Are there any adjustments, for example walk in showers, easy turn taps that would make everyday life easier?  Is the house warm? Do any of the jobs that you have been asked to do suggest that regular extra help with everyday chores is needed?

4. Finances. Are there unopened bills? Check bank statements to ensure no unusual transactions. Is money left around the house?  Do unauthorised people have access to cards/pin numbers?  Is your loved one at risk from identity theft?

5. Connect with neighbours.  Take the opportunity to go and see neighbours. They are on the spot and many ‘keep an eye out’ for elderly local people.  It’s a good moment to thank them for their help and make sure they have up to date contact details for you in case of emergencies.  A small gift is a nice way of showing your appreciation.  Make sure too that you have up to date contact details for your relative’s GP, neighbours and friends. Do look into Personal Alarms as a reliable method for elderly people to contact others . Most Councils offer a system as well as the  large range of models available through charities and private providers. Wearing a pendant round the wrist or neck means that the elderly person can make contact from anywhere in the house and garden.

 Season's Greetings 🎅

Norbert Researches Medical facilities

Julia brought through the cup of tea to discover Norbert in the chair and not feeling at all well, but not sure what the problem was. At 90 he has times of the day when he doesn't feel great, but this was different. Julia did all the checks for a stroke and no apparent signs, so she suggested they go to the Dr. Norbert didn't feel well enough to travel, so his 81 year old wife was quick to call the paramedics.

They quickly identified a possible heart attack and an ambulance was called to transport Norbert to the main hospital on the Isle of Wight. A blocked artery was diagnosed and a planned helicopter trip to Southampton, but this was cancelled in favour of transport by ambulance the following day.
Meantime, Julia hosted the planned supper with 4. David, the neighbour benefited from Nobert's portion as his wife was away.

Their daughter travelled to the Island to support Julia as well as to visit Norbert. She couldn't believe it when Southampton Hospital confirmed that the insertion of a stent had solved the problem and the following day they transported Norbert home to the Isle of Wight. He was so frustrated that he and Julia had cancelled their planned trip to Spain! Would they really fly him? we'll never know. He was impressed by the response on the Isle of Wight and in Southampton. Every reason to live there in your 90s!

Douglas and Deb - the Dream Team!

Douglas was 94 in March. Amazing as the family were all called to the bedside a couple of years ago for his final moments. He recovered and lives independently in his 4 bed home.
When his regular cleaner left his daughter Alison identified a friend in need of some income and suggested she might be suitable. From April Deb went a couple of times a week to clean for Douglas.

Douglas is a former teacher. He uses e-mail and manages all of his affairs but relies heavily on his daughter Carol 200 metres down the road for daily social contact. Carol and Alison were delighted that the twice a week visits from Deb relieved Carol of her visits from her father. She thinks he is great, but every day was a bit much.

Douglas announced that as well as cleaning the house Deb would be happy to tidy the garden, so her time with him has increased. In conversation whilst discussing current affairs and family matters Douglas will often refer to Deb's opinions. " Deb was saying" etc. All agree she has been a positive influence on Douglas' life.

Douglas was widowed 11 years ago. He visits his wife Catherine's grave and takes roses from the garden. One day in August as he and Alison took a stroll round the garden in the sunshine he announced that it was time for the rose bed to be lifted. He and Deb had discussed it! Alison agreed and asked if she could have some of the bushes for her family home 7 miles away to remind her of her mother. " I've told Deb she can have them all. I am not at all sure about you having any". When Alison suggested just one of the 10 bushes he confirmed " But I have told Deb she can have them all".
They continued walking and Alison bent to pull a weed from the rockery. " Don't do that Deb is weeding that next week".

Alison is smiling because now he has Deb in his life he feels he has more independence and can do what he wants. She did however, want one of her Mum's roses. As Deb is Alison's friend she asked her about the roses and Deb was delighted for her to have 3 - she didn't really want them all.  Will Douglas recognise them in Alison's garden?

Henry and Emma make the most of the facilities!

Henry and Emma moved close to their daughter 10 years ago. They are 84 & 88. Henry has been in physical decline for about 4 years with Emma keeping everything organised , including their daughter Joanna who was 60 in April. With 3 siblings living between 2 and 4 hours away she is the first point of contact and enjoys her daily visits to her parents. Emma was driving until 12 months ago. Henry and Emma quite a double act!

It has been clear that Emma's memory has declined over the past 3 years and tests were commenced at the start of the year. Carers were employed to support Henry and Emma whilst Joanna continued with her full time job.
8 months ago it was not good with Emma fiercely defending their independence and being rude to the carers. 5 months ago there was an " incident" when Emma chucked the carers belongings out of the window. Then 6 weeks ago it hit a serious point with physical and verbal abuse to the carers.
She was sectioned and hospitalised.

Henry stayed at home with the carers for the first few weeks then moved to a brand new care home not far from the hospital. Joanna visited Emma daily and was disappointed to notice that she always signed in after her own name meaning that the other 5 patients on the ward did not receive any visitors.

2 weeks ago when she went to visit, Emma was not in the day room. She found her still in bed and not well. Checks were made and an ambulance called with a urinary tract infection diagnosed. Consultants advised Joanna that her mother's body was " closing down" and that they should all be prepared to say goodbye. Her sister came to support her with brothers soon after.

1 week later, Henry gave his care home cause for concern and was sent to the same hospital. After almost a day in A&E he was transferred to the ward. The same ward as Emma. He had not seen her since she was hospitalised a month earlier. The staff on the ward reminded Emma about her husband and brought him to see her. They held hands. She recognised him. He was pleased to see her. The siblings comforted to see their parents reunited. With all of them in their 60s to have 2 parents for so long is special.

Emma has rallied. Her infection is clearing and she is more cooperative. It doesn't look as if she is ready to say goodbye as predicted and so Joanna is going on her Asian holiday for a well deserved break. Her siblings will be with her parents. The plan is for Henry to return to the care home. The plan for Emma is unknown, but it does look as if she will return to the ward she was on before with the 5 who have no visitors. What a tale Joanna and Emma will have for them!     As Joanna said
 " You couldn't make it up"

Norbert and Julia off to the hospital

At 78 and 88 Norbert and Julia are making the most of retirement by the sea. In the last year he has continued to attend for regular treatment for bladder cancer and of course his skin continues to be a challenge with Julia applying the emollient every night before bed. In addition to Norbert's medical treatment Julia has had a cyst removed from her leg. It was malignant, and she had refused to have it checked, so by the time it was removed it was full blown surgery and a lasting scar. She is back driving after 3 months with the leg raised. They continue to enjoy the company of friends and family and their garden.
Norbert is delighted he can still drive and on the whole he is the driver for both of them, so he can manage the rural route to the hospital 15 miles away.
On one recent occasion the hospital  has recommended a driver for Norbert as the treatment may cause him to be uncomfortable and therefore not able to drive easily. Julia is at the ready, although not at all keen to go the distance. Off they go. He slightly anxious about the treatment, she anxious about where they will park, in particular where she will park after her trip to M&S to pick him up. Will he be able to get in the car unaided?
They arrive - he has driven and they find a drop off spot. She then departs for M&S. With an hour to fill whilst he has his appointment and medication applied. Whilst selecting the " Meal for 2 " offer her mobile phone rings.An unusual sound, as she doesn't normally bring it out. She locates it and is pleased to answer before it stops ringing. It is Norbert! He has got the date of the appointment wrong. They are due the following Thursday. Julia is not amused. She abandons the included white wine, pays and returns to the hospital where Norbert drives them home. Julia now convinced she must manage all the appointments. " He is so forgetful!"

Nettie is mobile again!

Nettie recalls the many forms of transport she has driven in her long life: bicycle, horse and cart, motor bike, motor scooter, motor bike and side car, and car – “I even drove a USA air force jeep with the lads from the air base during the war”.   

Unlike many of her friends who were driving before the test Nettie actually passed hers in her fifties and bought a car so that she could take her mother, and various elderly relatives, neighbours and friends for trips to the seaside, attractions and sometimes “just for a ride round”.  

  In her ninetieth year Nettie sold the car feeling she was no longer safe to drive.  It was a great loss of independence.  

But today all the family have assembled to see Nettie’s latest vehicle – a shiny silver mobility scooter.  Niece Anne has helped source it and has organised insurance and wet weather gear.  No stopping Nettie now as she  able to visit friends in the village, drive to the bowls club and to the pensioners lunch in the pub.  The excitement is the same as with the original test in her 50s. 

Nettie has a test drive.  Everything works – indicators, lights, brakes, horn – toot-toot, toot-toot!  “Aunt Nettie is just like Mr Toad” says grandson Oliver.   “We-hey” chortles Nettie “They better all get out of the way – Here comes Nettie!”.   “OMG” thinks Anne “what have we let ourselves in for?”

You can't beat a 2 year old for company!

We're back after a few yearswith a new range of adventures. The Betty and Liz adventures continue after Betty's peaceful death in a wonderful nursing home. The tales now include the range of folk whose needs are responded to by their children, neighbours and friends. Liz encounters the folk through her life in the East of England and now she is joined in her travels by Grace, her grandaughter aged 2.
This week a new and different experience as Li & Grace visited Ruth and Jonah, in their 70s whose daughter died from breast cancer in 2016. They way they approached the next chapter without her is inspirational as they have bought a new home and plan to visit their son in America with their 9 year old grandaughter who lost her mother last year. They are both active and interested. Ruth still teaches piano to 5 children and Jonah is playing an active role in the community. He has just given up mentoring teenagers at a local comprehensive school. They were thrilled when Grace joined Liz for lunch and reflected that it was a long time since they had a 2 year old in the house. The benefits of toddlers and 70 somethings linking up was visible as they were active and creative as they responded to her needs.

Olive is number 1

With the loss of 2 parents in 2 years, Auntie Olive is a real tonic. She is driving, informed, entertaining, sociable and great company. She will be 85 in 9 days time and this week sees a round of celebrations commencing with a lunch she is hosting for 12 on Tuesday. " The men are included".
The prospect of the lunch has inspired her to plant pots of plants through May and improve the fencing and garden. Often weeding herself. The menu planning has been a great project. The salmon from Tesco was confirmed this morning, but is being stored in their fridge. Her friend has offered to accompany her on the big shop tomorrow. Today she made the sponge ready for the cream and strawberries.
When Olive suggested this event it seemed unnecessary for her to do so much work. However, over the past month it has provided her with a wonderful project and incentive to live on. With 11 funerals in the past 2 years it has not been easy. Today she told me of the loss of another friend. However, she has survived the routine cancer checks in May and the kidney scan. No change to the tumours is reported.
On Sunday morning she will be taken to Cheltenham to catch the coach to London. A 2 1/2 hour journey ready for a family lunch at 1.30 p.m. Can't be bad.....

Pension Credit - 6p per week

My Aunt has been in receipt of Pension credit. It was initially £5 per week. Then the pension from her husband's company increased. The Pension credit reduced to £1.20 per week. She has now received a letter to confirm that her Pension credit has reduced further...........to .............6p.........yes that is 6pence per week. So total £3.00 per year with letters and support packs sent though the post. My Aunt has not stopped laughing. Those three loaves of bread she will be able to purchase won't change her lifestyle, but every little helps. She is just concerned about who will pay for the stamps on the letters that confirm the 6 pence at 50 pence per shot. Not sure who will be in credit for that one!

£9.00 per month pension increase

The loss of interest on savings has really hit Olive. She budgets tightly every month and now there is no interest to speak of on bank accounts she finds it hard to justify any extras. How lovely when she received a letter from the company manging the private pension she receives (as widow from her husband's work) to say there is an increase in the pension. Just over £11 per month, but advising her that after tax it will be £9. Better than nothing, but not keeping up with the increase in cost of living. " You would think when you get to 85 the tax rate would go down" Good idea - to think of all the tax that she and her husband paid. Olive still going with payments to HMRC.

Olive is prepared for the snow!

Olive is always prepared. This means preparing the car ahead of the trip to the supermarket and then preparing food in case of a snow in. So last week she cleared the car of frost etc. Then left the door slightly ajar, so that the battery was flat the next morning, the planned trip to the supermarked. Brilliant that Olive is still driving at 84 and brilliant that the car passed it's MOT again. Only 900 miles last year.
This is when the benefit of good neighbours kicks in. Not only does Terry the neighbour help renew her car tax on line etc and act as internet access, but he is always there in a crisis.
He got the jump leads and sorted out the battery and was on standby in case of a problem at Tesco. All went swimmingly. There is a pint of milk in the freezer and food for the week. Yesterday Olive was hoping Terry might also pick up the Daily Mail for her. It is the Saturday one that has the TV guide. We really need everyone to be good neighbours. I think she has only called on him 3 times in the past 12 months,but it gives confidence to know he and his wife are there. On Thursday, he said he will paint her porch in the Spring as the sun has caused the paint to peel. Olive thought she couldn't let him. I reminded her that he didn't have to offer. Terry sounds just great.

Ready decorated Christmas tree is best for Olive

When my uncle died 4 years ago I arranged for delivery of a pre-decorated Christmas tree to my Aunt, then aged 80. As predicted she did not feel inclined to gather decorations from around the house and " Get Festive". The tree lasted 3 years and she was delighted with it, in fact she said she much preferred it to a present. This year she purchased a new one from the supermarket, ready decorated. It didn't cost much and when we visited it all looked so festive. Good to remember that the ready decorated can provide some Christmas sparkle......maybe the supermarkets will deliver! I also sent flowers from e-flowers at the start of December and they lasted for the whole of the time. It has been a great topic of conversation.